{"id":72526,"date":"2020-03-24t12:00:10","date_gmt":"2020-03-24t16:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/48e130086c.nxcli.net\/?p=72526"},"modified":"2020-03-24t10:11:15","modified_gmt":"2020-03-24t14:11:15","slug":"tax-season-funnies-a-tax-lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2020\/03\/24\/tax-season-funnies-a-tax-lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates\/","title":{"rendered":"tax season funnies: a tax lawyer at the pearly gates"},"content":{"rendered":"<div><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/olderyoungerbusinessmen_adobestock_43468730.jpeg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright wp-image-48642\" src=\"https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/olderyoungerbusinessmen_adobestock_43468730-424x636.jpeg\" alt=\"older businessman with younger businessman trailing behind him\" width=\"283\" height=\"424\" \/><\/a>also: how to be a good tax professional.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><em>as collected by robert e. mckenzie<\/em><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>have you heard of the &#8220;audit lottery&#8221;? it&#8217;s a game where 99.5 percent of the people are winners. if the irs pulls your number, you lose. everyone else is a winner.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<blockquote><p><b>more: <\/b><a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2020\/03\/17\/tax-season-funnies-gargoyles-in-the-irs\/\">tax season funnies: gargoyles in the irs?<\/a> | <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2020\/03\/03\/tax-season-funnies-the-service-in-irs\/\">tax season funnies: the \u2018service\u2019 in irs<\/a><br \/>\n<strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-49700\" src=\"http:\/\/4f2bur4nuye2cgakm2rm61qk.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/yellow_key_clip_art-e1375897299811-36p-hi-1-e1470686574894.jpg\" alt=\"goprocpa.com\" width=\"39\" height=\"16\" \/><span style=\"color: #b79c00\">exclusively for pro members. <\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #b79c00\"><a style=\"color: #b79c00\" href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/wp-login.php?redirect_to=\/\/www.g005e.com\/2020\/03\/24\/tax-season-funnies-a-tax-lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates\/\">log in here<\/a> or <a class=\"external\" style=\"color: #b79c00\" href=\"http:\/\/goprocpa.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">2022世界杯足球排名 today<\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<div><\/div>\n<div>if you love something, set it free.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>if it comes back, it will always be yours.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>if it doesn&#8217;t come back, it was never yours to begin with.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>but&#8230;<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn&#8217;t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it. either of which is probably tax deductible.<\/div>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<div>why is it that those who are only concerned about how big their tax loss will be are surprised when their tax loss investment turns into a real loss?<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>q. what does it take to be a good tax professional?<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>a. two things \u2013 grey hair and hemorrhoids. the grey hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.<\/div>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>\u201cthere is untold wealth in america \u2013 especially at income tax time.\u201d \u2013 anonymous<\/div>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>a tax lawyer\u00a0 arrives in heaven\u00a0<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>st. peter asks if the lawyer was religious in life. attend church? no? st. peter told him that\u2019s bad.<\/div>\n<div>was he generous? give money to the poor? charities? no? st. peter told him that that too was bad.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>did he do any good deeds? help his neighbor? anything? no? st. peter was becoming concerned.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>exasperated, peter says, \u201clook, everybody does something nice sometime. work with me, i\u2019m trying to help. now think!\u201d<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>the lawyer says, \u201cthere was this old lady. i came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen hell\u2019s angels. they had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>i got so mad i threw my bags down, fought through the crowd and got her purse back. i then helped her to her feet. i then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face.\u201d<\/div>\n<div>\u201cwow,\u201d said peter, \u201cthat\u2019s impressive. when did this happen?\u201d<\/div>\n<div>\u201coh, about 10 minutes ago,\u201d replied the lawyer.<\/div>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>dear tide:<\/div>\n<div>i\u2019m writing to say what an excellent product you have. i have used it since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the best. in fact, about a month ago, i spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. my husband started to berate me about my drinking problem.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>one thing led to another and i ended up with a lot of his blood on my white <u><\/u><u><\/u>blouse as well. i tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn\u2019t come out.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>after a quick trip out, i stopped and got a bottle of liquid tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! they came out so well, in fact, that the dna tests were negative!<\/div>\n<div>i thank you, once again, for a great product.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div>well, gotta go. i have to write a letter to the hefty bag people.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><strong>also: how to be a good tax professional.<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>as collected by robert e. mckenzie<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2143,"featured_media":51287,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70,3002],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-72526","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-special"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- this site is 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