{"id":58902,"date":"2019-04-05t12:00:06","date_gmt":"2019-04-05t16:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/48e130086c.nxcli.net\/?p=58902"},"modified":"2019-05-02t15:06:40","modified_gmt":"2019-05-02t19:06:40","slug":"tax-season-funnies-estate-planning-in-ancient-egypt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/04\/05\/tax-season-funnies-estate-planning-in-ancient-egypt\/","title":{"rendered":"tax season funnies: estate planning in ancient egypt"},"content":{"rendered":"<div><strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-59511\" src=\"https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am-424x171.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"424\" height=\"171\" srcset=\"https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am-424x171.png 424w, https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am.png 300w, https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am-600x242.png 600w, https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am-768x310.png 768w, https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am-849x342.png 849w, https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/04\/telberg-photo-screen-shot-2019-04-11-at-12.16.46-am.png 1287w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 424px) 100vw, 424px\" \/>plus alligators discuss lawyers.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<div><em>as collected by <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/author\/mckenzie\/\">robert e. mckenzie<\/a><\/em><\/div>\n<div><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;needless tax complexity promotes chaos and confusion and gives the taxpayer a ready excuse for inattention to detail merging toward outright noncompliance.&#8221; \u2013 gene steuerle<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote><p><b>more tax season humor:<\/b> <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/04\/01\/tax-season-funnies-april-fool-is-when\/\">april fool is when?<\/a> | <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/04\/01\/tax-season-funnies-what-money-can-buy\/\">what money can buy<\/a> | <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/03\/28\/tax-season-funnies-how-golf-is-like-taxes\/\">how golf is like taxes<\/a> \u00a0| <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/03\/13\/the-tax-season-funnies-aftermath-of-the-revolution\/\">after the revolution<\/a> | <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/02\/26\/a-little-tax-humor-worst-video-game-ever\/\">worst video game ever<\/a> |<a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2017\/02\/16\/little-tax-humor\/\"> a little tax humor<\/a> |<a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2013\/02\/15\/how-many-irs-agents-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb\/\"> how many irs agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?<\/a><br \/>\n<strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-49700\" src=\"http:\/\/4f2bur4nuye2cgakm2rm61qk.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/yellow_key_clip_art-e1375897299811-36p-hi-1-e1470686574894.jpg\" alt=\"goprocpa.com\" width=\"39\" height=\"16\" \/><span style=\"color: #b79c00;\">exclusively for pro members. <\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #b79c00;\"><a style=\"color: #b79c00;\" href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/wp-login.php?redirect_to=\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/04\/05\/tax-season-funnies-estate-planning-in-ancient-egypt\/\">log in here<\/a> or <a class=\"external\" style=\"color: #b79c00;\" href=\"http:\/\/goprocpa.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">2022世界杯足球排名 today<\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;the ancient egyptians built elaborate fortresses and tunnels and even posted guards at tombs to stop grave robbers. in today\u2019s america, we call that estate planning.&#8221; \u2013 congressman bill archer<span class=\"m_-5626452373443494265apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;everything today is taxes &#8230; what better seat on the grandstand of life can i offer you than that of tax counsel &#8230; who is the figure behind every great man, the individual who knows his ultimate secrets? a father confessor? hell no, the tax expert.&#8221; \u2013 louis auchincloss (the partners)<\/li>\n<li><b>this quote should read in context of the current irs whistleblower program, which pays millions of dollars each year to reward informants:<\/b><span class=\"m_-5626452373443494265apple-converted-space\"> &#8220;<\/span>the greatest scourge of mankind, the detestable race of tax informers, must be stopped. we must stifle it in its first efforts and tear out the pernicious tongue of envy. let not the judges receive &#8230; information of the informer; let them be given up to punishment as soon as any of them appear.&#8221; \u2013 caesar constantine<span class=\"m_-5626452373443494265apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li>&#8220;(t)he worst thing about (the week before tax returns are due) may not be the taxes themselves, but the commiserating rhetoric of the politicians who, having created the present tax system, will spend the next few days deploring it as if it were the handiwork of strangers.&#8221; \u2013 the washington post<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;most voters would rather have their purse or wallet stolen than be audited by the irs.&#8221; \u2013 frank luntz<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;nuclear physics is much easier than tax law. it\u2019s rational and always works the same way.&#8221; \u2013 jerold rochwald<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>q: what&#8217;s wrong with lawyer jokes?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">a: lawyers don&#8217;t think they&#8217;re funny and other people don&#8217;t think they&#8217;re jokes.<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;it is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late, and lawyers have also; but i repeat myself.&#8221; \u2013 mark twain<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li><b>lawyers and alligators<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><b><u><\/u><u><\/u><\/b>two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. the small one turns to the big one and says, &#8220;i don&#8217;t understand how you can be so much bigger than i am. we&#8217;re the same age, we were the same size as kids &#8230; i just don&#8217;t get it.&#8221;<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><u><\/u><u><\/u>&#8220;well,&#8221; says the big alligator, &#8220;what have you been eating?&#8221;<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><u><\/u><u><\/u>&#8220;lawyers, same as you,&#8221; replies the small alligator.<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><u><\/u><u><\/u>&#8220;hmm. well, where do you catch &#8217;em?&#8221;<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">&#8220;down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp.&#8221;<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">&#8220;same here. hmm. how do you catch &#8217;em?&#8221;<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">&#8220;well, i crawl under a bmw and wait for someone to unlock the door. then i jump out, bite &#8217;em, shake the crap out of &#8217;em and eat &#8217;em!&#8221;<\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">&#8220;ah!&#8221; says the big alligator, &#8220;i think i see your problem. see, by the time you get done shakin&#8217; the crap out of a lawyer, there&#8217;s nothing left but lips and a briefcase.&#8221;<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div><b><u><\/u>\u00a0<u><\/u><\/b><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li><b>something for the dear departed<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">a lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. in his grief, one of the three said, \u201cin my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they\u2019ll have something to spend over there.\u201d<u><\/u><u><\/u><\/div>\n<div style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">they all agreed that this was appropriate. the banker dropped a hundred-dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. the lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><strong>plus alligators discuss lawyers.<\/strong><br \/>\n<em>as collected by robert e. mckenzie<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2143,"featured_media":59090,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70,3002,2246],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58902","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-special","category-busy-season"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- this site is optimized with the yoast seo plugin v24.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>tax season funnies: estate planning 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