{"id":58899,"date":"2019-04-01t12:00:21","date_gmt":"2019-04-01t16:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/48e130086c.nxcli.net\/?p=58899"},"modified":"2019-04-02t10:30:41","modified_gmt":"2019-04-02t14:30:41","slug":"tax-season-funnies-what-money-can-buy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/04\/01\/tax-season-funnies-what-money-can-buy\/","title":{"rendered":"tax season funnies: what money can buy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/manoglesmoney_adobestock_16861110.jpeg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-48802\" src=\"https:\/\/cpatwpe.s3.amazonaws.com\/cpatrendlines\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/manoglesmoney_adobestock_16861110-424x282.jpeg\" alt=\"businessman ogling money over another's shoulder\" width=\"424\" height=\"282\" \/><\/a>plus the world&#8217;s oldest profession.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><em>as collected by <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/author\/mckenzie\/\">robert e. mckenzie<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201ca tax shelter is a dumb transaction done by smart people that will put my kids through college.\u201d \u2013 chuck rettig, current irs commissioner, as quoted in 2005<\/li>\n<li>\u201ci don\u2019t care about money. i just want to be wonderful.\u201d \u2013 marilyn monroe<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote><p><b>more tax season humor:<\/b> <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/03\/28\/tax-season-funnies-how-golf-is-like-taxes\/\">tax season funnies: how golf is like taxes<\/a> \u00a0| <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/03\/13\/the-tax-season-funnies-aftermath-of-the-revolution\/\">tax season funnies: after the revolution<\/a> | <a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/02\/26\/a-little-tax-humor-worst-video-game-ever\/\">the tax season funnies: worst video game ever<\/a> |<a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2017\/02\/16\/little-tax-humor\/\"> a little tax humor<\/a> |<a href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2013\/02\/15\/how-many-irs-agents-does-it-take-to-screw-in-a-light-bulb\/\"> how many irs agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?<\/a><br \/>\n<strong><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-49700\" src=\"http:\/\/4f2bur4nuye2cgakm2rm61qk.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/08\/yellow_key_clip_art-e1375897299811-36p-hi-1-e1470686574894.jpg\" alt=\"goprocpa.com\" width=\"39\" height=\"16\" \/><span style=\"color: #b79c00;\">exclusively for pro members. <\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #b79c00;\"><a style=\"color: #b79c00;\" href=\"\/\/www.g005e.com\/wp-login.php?redirect_to=\/\/www.g005e.com\/2019\/04\/01\/tax-season-funnies-what-money-can-buy\/\">log in here<\/a> or <a class=\"external\" style=\"color: #b79c00;\" href=\"http:\/\/goprocpa.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">2022世界杯足球排名 today<\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cmoney doesn\u2019t talk, it swears.\u201d \u2013 bob dylan<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\u201cthe first time, you marry for love; the second, for money; and the third, for companionship.\u201d \u2013 jacqueline kennedy<\/li>\n<li>\u201ci believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.\u201d \u2013 steve martin<\/li>\n<li>\u201cmoney can&#8217;t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.\u201d \u2013 david lee roth<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;money doesn&#8217;t buy happiness \u2013 but happiness isn\u2019t everything.\u201d \u2013 jean seberg<\/li>\n<li>if you think it&#8217;s expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur.&#8221; <em>\u2013 <\/em>red adair<\/li>\n<li>\u201cpeople say money is not the key to happiness, but i always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.\u201d \u2013 joan rivers<\/li>\n<li>\u201cyes, every year, despite my best intentions, i wind up rushing to complete my returns at the last minute. a dark cloud and a constant nagging doubt haunt the entire first quarter of every year.\u201d \u2013 danny tyree, summit daily, 4-13-14<\/li>\n<li>\u201ci\u2019m not going to pay taxes. when they say i\u2019m going to prison, i\u2019ll say no, prisons cost taxpayers a lot of money. you keep what it would have cost to incarcerate me, and we&#8217;ll call it even.\u201d \u2013 jimmy kimmel<\/li>\n<li>a tax accountant was walking down the street when a homeless person accosted him. \u201cplease sir, can you spare some change? i haven\u2019t eaten in two days.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">the accountant said, \u201cforce yourself!\u201d \u2013 courtesy of hugh bell<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>a surgeon, an accountant and a lawyer were arguing about which of them was practicing the oldest profession. the surgeon said, \u201cgod created eve from adam\u2019s rib. obviously, god is a surgeon, so medicine is the oldest profession.\u201d the accountant protested, \u201cbefore god created eve from adam\u2019s rib, he created an orderly universe from chaos. that clearly shows that god was an accountant before he was a surgeon. accounting, then, has to be the oldest profession.\u201d the lawyer sat for a moment smiling, looking at the surgeon and the accountant. \u201cthat may be true,\u201d the lawyer said, shrugging his shoulders, \u201cbut who created the chaos?\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div class='shareinpost'><ul class=\"socialwrap row\"><li class=\"icon_text\"><a  rel='nofollow'  target='_blank'  title='https:\/\/www.facebook.com'  href='http:\/\/www.facebook.com\/sharer.php?u=https%3a%2f%2fwww.g005e.com%2f2019%2f04%2f01%2ftax-season-funnies-what-money-can-buy%2f&amp;t=tax+season+funnies%3a+what+money+can+buy'  ><img  src='\/\/www.g005e.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/share-and-follow\/images\/blank.gif'  height='24' width='24'  class='image-24' alt='facebook'  style='background: transparent 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class=\"clean\"><\/div> <\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><strong>plus the world&#8217;s oldest profession.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2143,"featured_media":48802,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_relevanssi_hide_post":"","_relevanssi_hide_content":"","_relevanssi_pin_for_all":"","_relevanssi_pin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_unpin_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_keywords":"","_relevanssi_related_include_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_exclude_ids":"","_relevanssi_related_no_append":"","_relevanssi_related_not_related":"","_relevanssi_related_posts":"","_relevanssi_noindex_reason":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[70,3002,2246],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58899","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-humor","category-special","category-busy-season"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- this site is optimized with 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