{"id":54125,"date":"2018-03-29t09:30:20","date_gmt":"2018-03-29t13:30:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/48e130086c.nxcli.net\/?p=54125"},"modified":"2020-05-21t13:31:20","modified_gmt":"2020-05-21t17:31:20","slug":"might-biggest-obstacle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2018\/03\/29\/might-biggest-obstacle\/","title":{"rendered":"you might be your biggest obstacle"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/a>self-criticism is healthy … until it isn’t. by bill reeb<\/i><\/p>\n a couple of years ago, when i was consulting onsite with the executive team, one of the managers pulled me aside and asked me for some personal advice. she said, \u201ci am thinking about asking to go part time because the stress of this job is really getting to me. what do you think they will say?\u201d<\/p>\n more:\u00a0<\/b>from martial arts to business: 5 steps of evolution<\/a> | learn to work \u2018better\u2019 instead of \u2018harder\u2019<\/a> | be realistic regarding expectations<\/a> | a clear direction provides you a sanity check<\/a> | refining desire<\/a> i told her that i thought they would be willing to do whatever she wanted. but then i added, \u201cwhat are the owners or your direct boss doing to create this stress?\u201d here was the conversation that followed: manager<\/strong>: \u201cthere is so much work for me to do and i just can\u2019t get it all done. every day, they pile more things on my plate and i just can\u2019t keep up. this overload has started to impact my home life and i am concerned that it is only going to get worse.\u201d<\/p>\n bill<\/strong>: \u201cwhat has management been saying to you? have they been complaining that you are not able to get everything done? are they pressuring you to stay late and get the work out? please describe to me what is going on.\u201d<\/p>\n manager<\/strong>: \u201cit is not that. the management team, and my direct boss the ceo, has been wonderful. they all tell me to get done what i can, and if i need help, to let them know.\u201d<\/p>\n bill<\/strong>: \u201ci am confused then. what is the problem?\u201d<\/p>\n manager<\/strong>: \u201ci know this stuff needs to get done, and i worry about the fact that it isn\u2019t. i know it is important or they wouldn\u2019t ask me to do it. i feel like i am letting them down. as well, i really can\u2019t relax as long as i have an inbox full of work\u00a0 to do.\u201d<\/p>\n bill<\/strong>: \u201cso, please explain to me how going part time will help your situation. it seems to me that since you can\u2019t do everything on a full-time basis that you certainly won\u2019t be able to get it all done on a part-time one.\u201d<\/p>\n manager<\/strong>: \u201cwell, i was thinking that if i went part time, they would not expect me to do as much and that would take a lot of pressure off me.\u201d<\/p>\n bill<\/strong>: \u201cbut you already told me that they<\/strong> were not putting pressure on you in the first place. what you said was that you<\/strong> felt like you were letting them down and that you<\/strong> can\u2019t relax as long as you have an inbox full of work. i am sorry to point this out, but you<\/strong> are the only problem you have here. until you stop beating yourself up for ridiculous expectations as to how much you should be accomplishing, and you learn to relax when your inbox is full, nothing will change.\u201d<\/p>\n manager<\/strong>: \u201cokay … i hear you. so you are suggesting that i don\u2019t go part time, but rather, that i quit altogether?\u201d<\/p>\n bill<\/strong>: \u201cno, i am not saying that at all.\u201d<\/p>\n manager<\/strong>: \u201cwell, if i quit, then i won\u2019t worry about letting them down and the inbox issue goes away.\u201d<\/p>\n bill<\/strong>: \u201cyes, your statement is true about working here. but whatever you choose to do with your life, whether that is work for someone else, work for yourself or choosing to do some charitable work, you will always find someone you don\u2019t want to disappoint. based on my experience with you in the past, this is about you caring about what you do and how you are perceived, not about anything anyone is doing to you. and while quitting may ease your pain for the next month or two, you will likely just rebuild this exact situation in short order again wherever you go. when you run from yourself, you quickly find there is no place to hide! you simply have to give yourself permission to do what you can, and let go of what you can\u2019t. each day, calm yourself in the face of chaos, quit beating yourself for not being superwoman, know that it is a rare luxury when your inbox will actually be empty,\u00a0 and learn to relax and enjoy what you are doing while finding comfort in whatever progress you are making.\u201d<\/p>\n this type of conversation doesn\u2019t just happen once in a while; it happens often. it is not uncommon for overachievers to blame others, situations, and environments for making us feel a certain way, when in fact, the only problem we have is with the way we think. it is important for you to recognize the possibility, and even the probability, that at some point you will become the greatest obstacle to achieving your goals. be ready to change the way you work, the way you respond, the approaches you take and the way you think so that you are poised to work better rather than just continuing to work more.<\/p>\n
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