{"id":72526,"date":"2020-03-24t12:00:10","date_gmt":"2020-03-24t16:00:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/48e130086c.nxcli.net\/?p=72526"},"modified":"2020-03-24t10:11:15","modified_gmt":"2020-03-24t14:11:15","slug":"tax-season-funnies-a-tax-lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/\/www.g005e.com\/2020\/03\/24\/tax-season-funnies-a-tax-lawyer-at-the-pearly-gates\/","title":{"rendered":"tax season funnies: a tax lawyer at the pearly gates"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"older<\/a>also: how to be a good tax professional.
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as collected by robert e. mckenzie<\/em><\/div>\n
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have you heard of the “audit lottery”? it’s a game where 99.5 percent of the people are winners. if the irs pulls your number, you lose. everyone else is a winner.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
<\/u>\u00a0<\/u><\/div>\n

more: <\/b>tax season funnies: gargoyles in the irs?<\/a> | tax season funnies: the \u2018service\u2019 in irs<\/a>
\n\"goprocpa.com\"exclusively for pro members. <\/span><\/strong>log in here<\/a> or 2022世界杯足球排名 today<\/a>.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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if you love something, set it free.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
if it comes back, it will always be yours.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
if it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
but…<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it. either of which is probably tax deductible.<\/div>\n

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why is it that those who are only concerned about how big their tax loss will be are surprised when their tax loss investment turns into a real loss?<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
<\/u>\u00a0<\/u><\/div>\n
q. what does it take to be a good tax professional?<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
a. two things \u2013 grey hair and hemorrhoids. the grey hair makes you look distinguished and the hemorrhoids make you look concerned.<\/div>\n
<\/u>\u00a0<\/u><\/div>\n
\u201cthere is untold wealth in america \u2013 especially at income tax time.\u201d \u2013 anonymous<\/div>\n
<\/u>\u00a0<\/u><\/div>\n
a tax lawyer\u00a0 arrives in heaven\u00a0<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
st. peter asks if the lawyer was religious in life. attend church? no? st. peter told him that\u2019s bad.<\/div>\n
was he generous? give money to the poor? charities? no? st. peter told him that that too was bad.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
did he do any good deeds? help his neighbor? anything? no? st. peter was becoming concerned.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
exasperated, peter says, \u201clook, everybody does something nice sometime. work with me, i\u2019m trying to help. now think!\u201d<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
the lawyer says, \u201cthere was this old lady. i came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen hell\u2019s angels. they had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
i got so mad i threw my bags down, fought through the crowd and got her purse back. i then helped her to her feet. i then went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face.\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201cwow,\u201d said peter, \u201cthat\u2019s impressive. when did this happen?\u201d<\/div>\n
\u201coh, about 10 minutes ago,\u201d replied the lawyer.<\/div>\n
<\/u>\u00a0<\/u><\/div>\n
dear tide:<\/div>\n
i\u2019m writing to say what an excellent product you have. i have used it since the beginning of married life, when my mom told me it was the best. in fact, about a month ago, i spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. my husband started to berate me about my drinking problem.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
one thing led to another and i ended up with a lot of his blood on my white <\/u><\/u>blouse as well. i tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn\u2019t come out.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
after a quick trip out, i stopped and got a bottle of liquid tide with bleach alternative, and all of the stains came out! they came out so well, in fact, that the dna tests were negative!<\/div>\n
i thank you, once again, for a great product.<\/u><\/u><\/div>\n
well, gotta go. i have to write a letter to the hefty bag people.<\/div>\n