by frank stitely
the relentless cpa
please have a seat. no, not that one. take the one next to me. all of us are here because we love you to death. we only want the best for you. but we can no longer stand by and watch you suffer. when you suffer, we all suffer as a family. we have written some letters to let you know how we feel. i’ll let your firm go first.
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“your behavior has affected me negatively in the following manner. i’m not as profitable as i should be. you are stifling the development of your staff. your clients are upset that returns aren’t getting done on time. your kids resemble the mailman more than you.
“please accept the help we are offering you today. we have your bags packed, and we’ll put you on a plane to rehab at the beach. don’t worry about scoring your next fix. we’ll help you detox safely. but you must decide right now. you must give up your addiction to doing everything yourself.”