you could be further on x, but then y would have suffered.
by bill reeb
at this point in the process, you have already identified a desire (including a plan, tactics, timeline and expectations) and have been following that plan doing the work. however, for you to be at this juncture, you had to kick out of the try (work)-evaluate loop because you were feeling unsuccessful or unhappy about your progress or priorities. when this negative evaluation occurs, you are either starting to get stuck or you are already stuck.
more: how to change the way you think (and why) | letting go is not giving up | your obligation to yourself | work smarter, not harder | why we risk change | learn to embrace failure | what would make you happy? | do you have a goal or just a speed? | learn more by letting go
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as i have observed in my experience with clients, martial arts students and my own life, identifying a solution to get you back on track occurs by working through one of two paths. the first path is for you to consider “what you are thinking,” with the second path reflecting on “what you are doing.” as you consider the variety of techniques focused on what to let go of so that you can start regaining momentum, your action choices will come down to replanning, reprioritizing or reaffirming your desire, or some combination of these. with this in mind, let’s consider some techniques to help you reassess what you are thinking.
john often repeats the phrase “you are right where you are supposed to be” when he sees our exasperation as we try to deepen our martial arts stances or use a weapon we are unfamiliar with. a common behavior i observe among students when they realize they are struggling with something is to look around and see if they are the only ones. misery does love company. if everyone is having a difficult time, though the frustration might continue, it is a lower level of frustration because of this contrast and compare process. however, when you are one of the few who can’t get into a deeper stance or you are far clumsier than the rest regarding the use of a specific weapon, it is easy to see the aggravation pouring out.
the phrase “you are right where you are supposed to be” is a reminder that the change you are looking for will come in time from the work. it highlights the idea that you have chosen to focus on other things in the past, which were important to you then and why you are who you are and where you are now. and if you focus on the work before you now, you will soon make progress here, too. this phrase is meant to take the pressure off of you so that you don’t prematurely derail yourself because of ridiculous expectations.
change comes with time. you can’t do everything because your assets (time, money, resources) have a limit. every choice you make allows you to focus on or improve one area potentially at the expense of another.
while training in class, when i am beating myself up for not being a better martial artist, i have to keep in mind that had i put significantly more time into my training and become better, this reprioritization would have likely robbed me of some other skill, accomplishment or life experience that i leverage regularly or cherish. because we make choices every day without knowing the results those efforts will bring, we need to be willing to forgive ourselves for our errors that hindsight reveals and remember that we are right where we are supposed to be.
where in my life would the concept “you are right where you are supposed to be” improve my perspective and help get me back on track toward my goal?