tax season funnies: the poetic versions

the only effective way to eliminate tax loopholes is to eliminate politicians.

 

“we have from time to time complained about the complexity of our revenue laws and the almost impossible challenge they present to taxpayers or their representatives … our complaints have obviously fallen upon deaf ears.” – arnold raum (former senior u.s. tax court judge)

the affluent prosper quite well,

as their savings continue to swell.

it is great to be rich.

destitution’s a bitch.

you might say that it’s taxing as hell.

 

if you think it’s hard to listen to someone explaining the tax law, you should try reading it sometime. reading the internal revenue code is better than sominex by two to one. even tax professionals have a hard time reading the law. sometimes it’s hard to tell if a tax advisor is asleep until you catch them when they are awake.

 

indoors or out, no one relaxes

in march, that month of wind and taxes,

the wind will presently disappear,

the taxes last us all the year.

 

“i have a vision of hell. there are no pitchfork-wielding demons flitting about, no lava pools vomiting pitch, no goateed lucifer polishing his horns. the devil is dressed in a button-down shirt and gray suit. he is a gs-12 official for the internal revenue service (irs) and his minions are tax preparers. when we meet our final reward, the punishment for our crimes is to undergo eternal audit.” – james a. bacon, the washington times, may 29, 2011

 

a businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, “bill, i want you to promise me that when i die you will have my remains cremated.”

“and what,” his friend asked, “do you want me to do with your ashes?”

the businessman said, “just put them in an envelope and mail them to the internal revenue service and write on the envelope, ‘now you have everything.’”