people are like mirrors.
by steven e. sacks
how often are we disappointed when people don’t buy into our ideas or suggestions? whether it is to develop a new product, enter a new market, hire a particular individual or implement an initiative that could help a firm’s culture, can we still rely on the tried-and-true approaches of behavior modification, carrot-and-stick approach or even bribery?
more: is trust elusive? | influence, don’t manipulate | getting and keeping the best: the struggle continues | the 5 keys to success in accounting careers | the power of ‘real influence’ | is your firm’s culture a magnet? | confronting leadership: not such a bad thing
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today, there are many avenues by which to be manipulated. it is no surprise when people grow another layer of cynicism.
look at what we are faced with: radio, television and magazines were and are the cudgels of persuasion. with the internet and various social media platforms, we become targets from many directions. we are pounded over the head so much, we capitulate to promotions on the latest and greatest tech tools or other gadgets. this really isn’t influence; it’s more like browbeating or hounding.
what is the motive to influence?
is instant gratification the goal of the seller or the person who endeavors to persuade? if it is, then the results will only be short-lived – over a period of time the ability to persuade or convince diminishes. this is where real influence plays a role; where a leader creates strong and consistent support from his or her direct reports. there is no template for influence; it does not involve being a specific age or level, nor is it limited to one particular industry (yes, there are non-technology companies that have and can influence).
“the key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.” – ken blanchard
the question a leader has to ask: am i conveying a sense of urgency or clearly articulating my goals to my employees so they can become just as motivated and be committed to the same goals? often, you cannot rely on your position or track record of convincing others just because you believe it’s the right one. you may be missing the obvious, and this can be considered a blind spot. you have been successful at different times, but there is a new generation in your company that just won’t walk blindly across hot coals because you assume your position or opinion will be accepted.
sometimes motives are clearly apparent. if another person realizes that your position has narrow boundaries and that your interests or goals do not align with theirs, you may get temporary acquiescence, but over the long term, there won’t be any continuing support. instead there will be a loss of influence.
instead of cajoling, trickery or manipulation, exert influence by trying to understand the values and desires of others and meld them with yours.
try different approaches
in any business environment, there are cliques or factions that have opposing views. to overcome this dynamic, dispense with the “divide and conquer” approach. as a leader, consider instead the ways you can transform these disparate interest groups into allies or partners. this is an essential step toward building influence.
rather than use manipulation to achieve a temporary concession, find ways to gain continuous agreement.
when seeking to secure short-term “wins” as an initiative is rolled out, consider those actions to use as building blocks to establish your reputation, and create strong and sustainable relationships to secure meaningful results. this is a way to build support from those who are skeptical about what you are trying to accomplish.
finally, if you run into resistance, don’t take it as a personal affront because (most times) this resistance is based on someone’s beliefs. solicit help in understanding why there are objections to your ideas and figure out how to reach a “meeting of the minds.” (a cautionary note: in a group setting, don’t always depend on consensus building because the end game may in no way resemble what is best for the firm. moreover, in building consensus, you run the risk of the minority dictating to the majority.)
appreciation is a powerful tool
as a leader, if you are open to others’ ideas and exhibit appreciation for them, you will gain influence – and a reputation for being thoughtful. showing appreciation is not only positive for the person who is on the receiving end, but it also has positive benefits for you. as stated earlier, you can gain supporters and backers for the long term.
people are like mirrors. their actions will reflect how they are treated. when you thank someone directly or tout to others his or her efforts in achieving results, a stronger bond is created.
be mindful that expressing appreciation and giving credit should not be limited to a certain period of the year because you want your (real) influence to be continuous. it should not be incidental; neither should it be used to gain an edge over someone else. it should be a key ingredient of leadership.