put yourself in the client’s shoes.
by steven e. sacks
we are often faced with trying to influence others through our beliefs and personal experiences. the wrong approach is to browbeat others until they “surrender.”
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influence is really a straightforward approach to convincing people that your positions are well thought out, persuasive, justified and completely devoid of underhandedness, manipulation or trickery.
if you can honestly influence and goodnaturedly persuade others, there is no reason to resort to deceit. humans by nature can either be trusting or they can be cynical. it’s a binary choice.
the expression “fool me once, shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me,” is a centuries-old aphorism. i suspect no one wants to be fooled twice, so naturally the cynicism antenna is immediately engaged.
there is a very fine line between influence and manipulation. when you apply influence to change a person’s mind, the idea is to give the impression that the person thought of the idea. when you influence you try to persuade when you actually believe in what you feel. on the other hand, when you manipulate you still try to persuade, but you have no belief in the message you convey.
“example is not the main thing in influencing others. it is the only thing.” – albert schweitzer
when you influence, you have 100 percent belief in the process you advocate. when you manipulate, you are focused on the (questionable) tactics you want others to follow.
when you influence, you actively look at the strengths and weaknesses, pros and cons of your own position. when you manipulate you address only the (perceived) strengths of your own arguments, and as such, your only goal is to win.
when you apply influence, you are more apt to be empathetic when learning of others’ woes. the sufferer gains a level of trust. when you employ manipulation, you show a sense of satisfaction when hearing of another’s pain. it’s not only schadenfreude, but in a perverse way, it gives the manipulator a sense of advantage or a personal triumph.
because listening is a critical ingredient, to be influential you need to sincerely and empathetically listen to someone explain the downside of not acting to solve a problem. when you manipulate, you argue persuasively as you explain what the downsides are by not adhering to your recommendations.
an open and honest mind
when you begin to engage others with honest intentions, they are more apt to see things your way. however, any sense of disingenuousness will arouse immediate skepticism and short circuit any efforts. it will also be certain to increase the level of resistance to any sort of recommendation or advice.
as the business professional you need to maintain and grow the relationship by becoming an active listener who asks open-ended questions and is really interested in the responses. you can either allay the client’s fears or raise the client’s stress level. this is particularly important if the client is looking in the short term to find an attractive exit strategy.
here is the time to exercise influence rather than manipulation because you are devoted to seeing a positive change for the client and are pursuing techniques that will yield a positive result.
an aha moment
when the client realizes the time has come for a change – their friends, competitors, your spouse’s second cousin, the stranger off the street and anyone else all offering advice – the biggest hurdle is to overcome a lack of urgency. it could be on either the part of the practitioner or the client. consider the situation in a cpa firm when the senior partner group knows it needs to merge with a firm composed of younger partners; the longer the needed action is delayed, the further diminution of firm value at the time of sale. so, a crossroads is reached: influence or manipulation. how will you effectively approach your partners to achieve a win-win?
you may hear from the partners that the tipping point has not been reached; if it is not broken, why fix it? your role as a firm leader is to invoke two scenarios: one if the status quo is accepted and the other being the result if a real, concerted and aggressive change is imperative.
damned if i do….
in the client situation, if your client decides to make a change, he or she will likely get flummoxed about what exactly the change should be, how much will it cost, who’ll be offended and how much will the stress level increase. sometimes there is a confluence of factors – loss of revenue, increased competition, departing longtime employees or an unexpected health problem arising from a key member of the client’s management team.
in other situations, an emerging crisis is not apparent until it hits the fan. all in all, people need things to be resolved – perhaps returned to the way things were (although this can restart a bad cycle). at this point, you should create an audience receptive to your ideas. this begins with shaping your approach. the discussion shifts from wallowing in the existing problems to creating a process that connects an individual’s problems with ideas that are jointly created. this way, your client will have an intellectual investment in what needs to be done. the recommendations should not be unilateral; rather, it’s a partnership of ideas and solutions.
at some point, your client will consider your recommendations and will (hopefully) examine each option presented. you still need to determine whether the client has a sense of urgency or will fall back on the counterproductive practice of complacency. some people can decide quickly, while others want to ruminate further; they are afraid that change will be for the worse, even though you have carefully and painstakingly identified the pros and cons.
is more window shopping necessary?
put yourself in the shoes of the client. in fact, create a new scenario. pretend that you are at a car dealership deciding to buy or lease a car. you want to cover all angles and ask all the pertinent questions so there will be no surprises. you leave the dealer confident, but soon after you have second thoughts. maybe not buyer’s remorse, but what if your purchase may not be in alignment with what you needed? now what? reverting back to the client/cpa relationship, what if the change to the business you advocated may be larger or more radical than what he or she anticipated? what happens? most likely the client reverts to the old way of doing things.
it’s a known fact: you cannot tell people how to spend their money to make changes, especially if your idea for change is at a more rapid pace than theirs. but you as the cpa – a business “psychologist” coupled with the “trusted business advisor” reputation – you should have the skills to help the client reach the proper conclusions, and not solely on your terms. more important, make the client believe he or she was the one who conceived and decided on the proper course of action. you may not win the engagement, but you have made a smart investment in the future of the relationship.