the 15th still means something.
as collected by robert e. mckenzie
covid-19 humor courtesy of clients and friends:
- i don’t think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we’d go from standard time to the twilight zone.
- my body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when i pee it cleans the toilet.
more: tax season funnies: making sense of tax forms | tax season funnies: the poetic versions | a rabbi’s advice | the next political party symbol | gabriel and saint peter confer | a tax lawyer at the pearly gates | gargoyles in the irs? | the ‘service’ in irs
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i know we have until july 15 this year, but april 15 is still a reference point in tax humor:
“the u.s. tax code was written by “a” students. every april 15, we have to pay somebody who got an a in accounting to keep ourselves from being sent to jail.” – p.j. o’rourke
“it’s fitting that april 14 is national pecan day because today, we recognize nuts. and tomorrow, on april 15, we pay our taxes to support them.” – craig ferguson
“today is april 1, april fools’ day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. don’t confuse that with april 15, when people try to fool the irs.” – jay leno
april is always a difficult month for americans – even if your ship comes in, the irs is right there to help you unload it.
“most of us treat the internal revenue service as if it were an ancient and powerful god. we pay tribute through payroll deduction. we perform the annual ritual of the tax forms. we bring forth sacrifices and homage on its chosen day of april 15. we dread provoking its wrath.” – jim gallagher, st. louis post-dispatch, feb. 14, 2010
they come on april 15th dear
(to the tune of “it came upon a midnight clear”)
they come on april 15th dear,
to take away our gold.
tax men unmoved by plea or tear,
it makes your blood run cold.
oh income tax! you break our backs,
the government takes all.
a thief by any other name
would never have such gall.
“april 15 is lurking around the corner, so if you have yet to file your federal tax return, it’s time to set aside a few hours, gather together your financial records, and flee the country.” – dave barry
four accountants walk into a bar, and each orders a beer. they raise their glasses and make a toast: “here’s to 59!” after downing their beers, they order another round and make the same toast: “here’s to 59!” this happens again and again. finally, the bartender asks the accountants what the significance of the toast is. “well,” said one of them, “we put a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle together in just 59 days!”
“and that’s a big deal?” asked the barkeep.
“you bet,” said the same accountant, “the box said 4 to 8 years!!!”
did you hear about the cannibal tax accountant? she charges an arm and a leg.
a tax attorney defended a case of tax evasion for an affluent client. he devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court.
his client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count.
flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly sent an email to his client, “justice has triumphed!”
the client immediately emailed back, “appeal at once!”