do you have a goal or just a speed?
by bill reeb
if you decide you want to make some changes, that’s great.
more: refining desire | what does ‘getting stuck’ or ‘being stuck’ mean? | let go of what you think you know | roadblocks from people with good intentions | 3 ways to get ‘unstuck’
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but before you start running away from whatever it is that you don’t like, make sure you know what you are running toward.
consider this scenario…
let’s say you are employed by an organization that doesn’t allow you to grow or is a demeaning place to work so you want to leave. no problem, just start looking for another place to work.
if you are unhappy, don’t spend months and years of your life rationalizing that you might as well stay where you are because no matter where you go you won’t be treated well. take control of your life and do something about a bad situation!
but i want to provide special emphasis to the phrase “start looking.” i didn’t just say “quit your job.” i said “start looking for another place to work.” i don’t believe in running away from some aspect of your life, but rather, in running toward whatever change you have decided to make.
for example, if you decide you need to develop a new career, before you quit your current job, take time during your evenings and weekends to decide what you want your new career to be. if this means you need to enroll in a school to find out more about some possible choices, then take that step. if you need to change your living situation or get student loans to provide support for your new direction, then do that. i know … if you are in a hostile work environment, you so badly want to tell your current boss to “take this job and shove it” or do an exit interview so that you can tell the company how mismanaged it is. but this craving is only about satisfying your ego, not about changing your direction. for that matter, never burn a bridge unless you have to, which is rare. there was a common saying when i worked for ibm in sales:
“love them (speaking about those who directly reported to you) on your way up (your ascent into management) because you will need them on your way down.”
regardless of the change you are contemplating, when you make the decision, be diligent in planning and taking the little steps that will properly position you when it is time to make the jump. when i say, “run toward something,” i am proposing that you create a plan, metaphorically start walking first, and as you get in shape (have everything lined up), then start running. often, what you find by taking this more diligent approach is options open up to you that you might not have ever considered. for example,
- when you prepare to go back to school, you might find that your schedule is such that working part time would not only be possible, but significantly ease your financial burden. don’t be surprised when your current employer gets imaginative and creates a part-time position for you (smart business people never let good workers go if they can keep them involved in some way).
- because you kept your job while you were investigating this opportunity, your finances would be in a stronger position when it is finally time to leave.
- you might have found out that there was a minimum of a two-year waiting period before you could be accepted into the school of your choice, so continuing to work in your current job ends up providing a great bridge until your opportunity opens up.
- what if you found out during your investigation into possible career changes that your initial idea as to what you wanted to do didn’t pan out? in this situation, because you kept your job, you would still have plenty of financial flexibility to start a new search.
my point in this simplistic case study is if someone is unhappy or feeling unsuccessful about some aspect of his or her life, impulsively running from it is not the way to go. however, once that same person decides what he or she wants to do and puts together a plan to get there, now we are talking about running toward the life that you want, which is an approach with an infinitely greater chance for success.
don’t make the mistake of thinking that this technique is just about your work situation. regularly, people want to run from their circumstances in order to avoid the current pain or frustrations they are feeling.
after my dad died, my mom hated her apartment, which was in a very nice retirement home. she hated it because it was where she and dad lived together during his last few years. so, she told me she needed to move and move quickly within a couple months of when he died. we looked at changing apartments, we looked at moving her to a new facility, she stayed with family members for a while to see if that helped her feel better, we considered every idea she came up with and several of those ideas went all the way to the negotiation of a contract or lease. in the end, she realized that she just missed my father and regardless of where she was, she felt the same sense of loss and sadness. once she realized that she was trying to run from herself, she actually embraced her current apartment and grew to enjoy it even more because it was a reminder of the love they shared together there in his final years.
before you change your situation, do a self-diagnostic to make sure that you are not the cause of dissatisfaction. don’t run away until you know what you are running toward.
assess yourself on running away. circle how you feel you are doing. on this subject, i:
is there anything you are or want to run from? if there is, have you decided what you want to run toward or do you just want to run?